Que sera, sera...

So, I haven't been keeping up with my blogging in the least. I wanted to --in a way this was supposed to be a New Years resolution. For myself... to vent, to improve my writing skillz. And for people in my life.. to find out what it is I do with this super huge math brain of mine :D (cheeky smile)

But lately life has been happening, and I realize sometimes you just have to live it. Not analyse it... live it. Happy things have happened, sad things have happened.... big decisions have replaced little decisions.

I think I mentioned before that I am graduating this year, and the only thing I have planned is to go to Japan. The program I'm applying for (JET) is pretty prestigious, and for thousands that apply, only about 500 get excepted each year. Today, I just found out one of my friends who applied did not get excepted, and I'm pretty sure my letter of rejection interview time is in the mail, and will be waiting for me after class tomorrow.

I'm nervous, but at the same time relaxed. I'm thinking, if I don't get excepted, I'll just do something else.... but what? For the first time in my life, there's no second step. No immediate direction I want to take. In a way, that makes me extremely excited -- I'm finally free. But in another sense, I'm extremely terrified. What do I do about this $25,000 loan I have accumulated over 4 years of a math degree I'm not going to use right away?

I know I could get a job with the government, but would that make me happy? I'm not much of an office girl, and I give huge credit to those who are. I'm extremely figgety and I'm sure would have to rearrange the furniture every few days. Gahhhh, craziness!

I would love nothing more than to ultimately live in Victoria BC for about 2 years, make some good money to pay off my loans, not have to worry about the 3-year contract I got myself into with this smell-phone of mine, and live in the trees. So I figure if Japan is where I'm meant to be, I'll be there. If not, something else will take its place. In my adult life, (that's right, compared to my teenaged life) I've learned not to worry so much.. and just.. to live.

I read a great quote in one of my dad's "Men's health" magazines once:

"Women often worry about things that work themselves out eventually"

Now, I've never thought of myself as much of a girly-girl before, but I definitely think I do worry too much. I hope that in the coming few months...
.......as I prepare to graduate
.......and enter the real world
.......and figure out how to pay off this crazy loan
that I remember that things will work themselves out. Yeah, its good to be responsible, but you shouldn't take life so seriously.

The wonderful boy I've been dating for a few months now just went on a life quest to do just that... live. And even though I miss him incredibly, I have to have faith that things will, in turn, work themselves out in the long run. However that may be :)